Flying W Things

Mike seems to be fond of the haiku these days. His numerous postings reminded me of a prank we pulled on my buddy Joel when he got married.

See, Joel foolishly left us the keys to his house when he went on his honeymoon. Dean and I knew this was going to happen and spent months discussing various pranks we could pull on the newlyweds. We weren't left with much after we dismissed the logistically impossible ones, the dangerous ones, and the just plain mean ones, but we did come up with something.

We got everybody in the groom's party to pitch in some cash and went to the grocery store and bought canned food. We bought a few cans of normal stuff - beans, tomatoes, and the like - but the majority were picked off the shelves of the "Is this really for human consumption?" aisle. Strange seafood, parts of mammals you would think were exclusively reserved for hot dogs - that kind of thing. For good measure we threw in a can of cat food and a can of dog food.

When we got back to Joel's, we carefully removed the labels and stacked the cans in his pantry. We paperclipped the labels together and left them on the kitchen table.

But what does this have to do with haiku? To explain the unorthodox stocking of the Decker's new pantry, we left these poems:

I prepared dinner
Alas, one mouth ate it all
Garbage disposal

What could be better
To trigger the gag reflex
Than this random muck

If I made a stew
Blindfolded in the darkness
It would look like this

After that dinner
"Gastrointestinal" does
Depict my distress

A mantra chanted
Endlessly in the kitchen
"People eat this crap?"

O silver vessel
Unknown mysteries within
Will you show yourself?

If a gardener
Took randomness to extreme
Would his plot look thus?

Oh, luck of the draw
select something edible
no more pig snouts, please

My can opener
used to provide tasty food...
Apprehension mounts

Oh Ravioli!
How you brought me so much joy
You still elude me

Eating out lately
so I can identify
what my fork has pierced

Of course, Dean and I found this hilarious. I doubt that the Deckers were quite as amused. (Philistines.)